Actually, I'm not really sure what to do with myself right now. I'm not sure if I should be productive and get stuff done so that our home runs more efficiently (please stop laughing now) or whether I should just sit on my fat ass and relax for a few hours. I'm torn. See, I'm child-free for the next 2.5 hours. Well, if you count the time before, I've already been child-free since 8:15 a.m.
The Bee is at tennis camp -- today is her last day. Horse Girl started high school this morning.
I have to pause a moment just to let that settle in. My. Baby. Started. High. School.
I am not sure which is more shocking -- the fact that she is high-school-aged or that she is actually attending a high school. We've been homeschooling for the last five years. The last day of second grade, when the school year ended and we walked home from the school after informing the attendance office that we wouldn't be returning, was one of the best days of my life. I can still see it clearly in my mind and feel it distinctly in my body, walking home with the little Horse Girl. I felt relieved, elated and scared. Mixed emotions.
I feel the same today. Relieved, elated and scared. Having her return back to the school system has not been easy for me. I guess the difference for me this time around is that this was a choice that she made for herself.
I began this year investing in books like The Teenage Liberation Handbook, Real Lives: Eleven Teenagers Who Don't Go to School Tell Their Own Stories, and Homeschooling: The Teen Years. I felt committed to continuing the alternative education path that we had started for Horse Girl. Because of her passion for horses and the unique opportunities that arose for her due to educating her at home, I wanted to make sure that she would be able to continue to be able to take advantage of being homeschooled. I felt charged. I felt ready to take on the challenge.
I also felt a little worried. I won't kid you. I'd read a lot of success stories. I'd read about un-schoolers and about letting your child find their own path. But, I never felt completely comfortable with the total un-schooling life style. I am not a rigid curriculum based homeschooler either. I've been more of an eclectic homeschooler -- some subjects the girls have had to do (math, writing, reading) and others we've bumbled around and tried out different things or followed their interests.
Frankly, as far as Horse Girl, I was getting a little burned out. I felt enthusiastic about learning Spanish together and bought a language program that we could both use. She initially wanted to learn German so she could talk with her cousin; I hesitated over that. I don't speak or know a lick of German, so I would be of absolutely no help to her. She also refused to spend time with friends of ours each week who did speak German. I really did not want to invest in an costly language program that would be languishing unused on our computer desktop -- I had a pretty strong hunch that this is what would result. So, I suggested we start with Spanish, her grandmother spoke five languages, so if she was able to show a commitment to Spanish (which I wanted to re-learn anyways) then I would invest in German. Spanish was also more practical for her with her work with horses.
Well, there wasn't much commitment to the Spanish program. Horse Girl did start it, but then did not want to work on the program on the computer stating that she liked working one-on-one with people. Okay, let's sit down and work together. But getting that accomplished was difficult as well. It's not easy roping a teen in away from Facebook, or looking at herself in the mirror or from episodes of day-dreaming. And then I had to hear ad nauseum about how much she disliked the Spanish teacher she had on Fridays with some friends -- mainly because she like another former teacher who was cooler and younger, but who could no longer teach their class.
I also bought her an expensive math curriculum with a DVD component so that she could work on her own with me helping to clarify things. I really was hoping she would be a little more self-sufficient and I thought she would enjoy that, too, so I wouldn't be breathing down her neck. Well, that ended up with me completely teaching the math in private tutorial sessions.
You know, you read about all those brilliant homeschoolers who are self-motivated and accomplish great things. Now, I'm not saying my girls aren't great -- they are -- they just don't want to do any of the educational things that my husband and I feel are important. Math is not optional. Period. Did I mention that I'm not an un-schooler?
Right around the time that I was reading the aforementioned books and connecting with other homeschoolers to lock in a high school level English/writing class, alternating between fits of despair and moments of determined commitment, Horse Girl drops the bomb. She wants to try high school. And not for academic reasons.
I absorbed this information. I actually listened and didn't start on a long lecture of why I hate the school system. Amazing. Because inside I felt alarmed. And scared. But, I did check out the information on school's website and made an appointment for a school tour. When I mentioned it to the Entrepeneur he freaked out a bit. We got into an argument of course (I'm a first-born and he's an only, so there is always an argument.) So, I put the whole thing off for a while.
The Entrepeneur started checking out private girls schools for high school for Horse Girl. I informed him that the application process happened in October of last year. It was too late to apply. Not to mention, how exactly would we afford that? We'd have to start robbing banks. I'm a crappy con-artist, thief and lier, so I don't think that's a good profession for me.
Near Horse Girl's fourteenth birthday, something gets triggered in me. I look at the school website to find out specific information about registering for school and when the school tours are. I am horrified to find out that the application deadline for the school has passed. I'm thinking, "What the hell? Application DEADLINE? I thought this was a public school." I freak out. A whole torrent of self-accrimination launches forth in my mind. How I'm a terrible mother. How could I do this to my kid? On and on. You know the type of thoughts. Just don the hairshirt.
Of course, I ran into another mother that whose kid was already enrolled in the school for the next year. Our girls had been in pre-school and kindergarten together. She confirmed that the deadline had passed, the school was a charter school and didn't think there was much hope for us. We'd be forced to homeschool. I double freak. But, this also gave me a I-definitely-want-to-prove-you-wrong boost.
There were three more tours left during the school year for the school. I signed us up for the next one. On the day of the school tour, I kept an open mind (which is difficult for me on a school campus.) Horse Girl was there, too. She actually had classes that morning with other homeschoolers, so I had to "take her out of 'school' " to visit the high school. Which actually just meant that I was losing money. But, it was worth it.
It was kind of weird to see my tall, willowy girl wide-eyed, luminous and enthusiastic juxtaposed against most of the other kids who were there with their parents. You could tell most of the kids weren't too excited for the most part. They were forced to go to school. They were nice kids for sure, but they didn't have the same shining eyes as my kid.
Which meant, of course, that she loved it! Horse Girl definitely wanted to go to the high school. After the school tour, the Entrepeneur was enthusiastic, too. Once he knew his girl was happy. And, anyways, the school is his alma mater. So, that was pretty cool.
Not that we didn't have reservations. School would put a definite crimp on horsing activities and opportunities. We also didn't want Horse Girl to be academically marginalized in school -- school just seems to be so much about limitation and labeling rather than truly supporting our youngsters. And we didn't look forward having our family schedule owned by the school system. A big ugh.
But, despite these compromises, we supported our girl. We took Horse Girl to every school event that would give her an idea of being a freshman and being at the high school would be like: "Seniors Speak Out Night", a meeting about Honors and AP classes meeting students and teachers (I have no idea whether she'll be in Honors classes or not, but wanted to put all possibilities on her radar) and the "Open House and Showcase Night."
I spent hours -- and I mean HOURS -- preparing her for the math placement exam. This was no easy feat. Horse Girl's hormones and teenage brain had taken over and math was at the bottom of the list of important subjects. It's rather demoralizing to spend 30 - 40 minutes teaching a particular math process only to be interrupted with a dreamy request to see if we have a particular ingredient in the house which can be used for a facial. Are. You. Kidding. Me.
Horse Girl still felt enthusiastic about going to school, though, despite having to prepare for the test. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention. How was she going to go to school if she couldn't get in? After getting all the required documentation for the school together (which involved being stuck in the bank for two hours in the safety deposit box vault because our box lock broke; I was assured by the bank manager that this was a random event that happened every few years or so. How lucky could we possibly be?) Horse Girl and I walked in to the Administration Office to register her for the 2012-1013 school year. Since we were way post-deadline, I was prepared to do battle for my baby. Sorry to say it was very uneventful with her being duly accepted to the school as we were residents of the area, except that I learned that the lady who helped us had a homebirth with a midwife during the seventies. Interesting what you can learn about people.
So, now -- today -- right at this moment, Horse Girl is at school. It's 1:03 - so she either has Integrated Science or World History -- I can't remember which. But English is next. She was up until 10:30 p.m. finishing her Summer Reading Project for English (Really?! It's summer vacation. Don't get me started...) She is wearing her cool new boots and shirt that we bought yesterday ready to take on the high school world. The world of bell ringing and lots of homework. And boys. Sigh. That's probably the part that's the hardest.
So now my time is up. Soon the Entrepeneur and I have to pick up the Bee from tennis camp and enjoy the awards ceremony. Then we pick up Horse Girl at the library. I can't wait to find out how it went. I hope she got those gym clothes. I didn't get anything productive done at all. I did sit on my fat ass (said affectionately.) It was fun. But now, I'm late, hungry and duty calls.
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